I didn’t want to blog about this, but i decided to. Not to broadcast, just to hope you’ll read this and understand though i doubt you will cos i don’t want to make it obvious –.- hai its just hopeless.

I’m really quite angry, but not exactly angry, its just cos i can’t find a suitable word for what i’m feeling. Its like a mixture of anger, betrayal, indignance (?) and probably hurt.

From the start i wasn’t too happy already, but it was just sort of irritating, but its getting worse and you’re like so insensitive that you don’t even realise. I was trying to give you the reaction you wanted, but failing miserably in my attempt, and though my face was right there for you to read you didn’t realise and continued straight on. Do you actually think of what others will feel before you say and do stuff? Its either you are that insensitive or you do it on purpose which i really doubt so and hope its not the case, cos if its so, you wouldn’t be the person i know at all. If so, you’re insensitive. I mean everyone has times where we’re insensitive of other’s feeling, i’m not really the epitome of sensitivity or anything, but you’re quite extreme. You were in my shoes before, did you nvr feel the way i felt when other people did the same to you or maybe you just didn’t think of it. I don’t really know why i feel betrayed, its just this feeling bcos I nvr expected you to do what you did  recently. Its like i know 2 of you now, the one i really like as my friend bcos i enjoy your company and the one i can really dislike if i didn’t know you as a friend first. Its sort of a dilemma, but at the same time not, i’m just really confused. Do i tell you straight to the face and risk ruining our friendship or just keep it forever and be a hypocrite, putting on a happy face in front of you but still feeling that sense of betrayal whenever you mention it. I don’t really know why i’m reacting so big to this, the other thing i found out yesterday was definitely meaner then this, but maybe that didn’t affect me so much cos i didn’t know the other person, i was even amused at first –.-

Oh well, i guess i’m stuck to being a hypocrite for now. It really sucks. I really didn’t expect this to happen, nvr knew you would do such a thing. Its not your fault at all actually, because it can’t really be helped if you think that way, but i would really have appreciated it if you kept it to yourself and not let me know.

Ugh i’m screwed up, i think i might be better off socially if nothing happened last year.

And maureen, thanks for listening, understanding and making me feel better :) siyin too, for pointing out what’s really important. And justin, for letting me pretend you were that person and typing a freaking long message to you –.- Though it made me cry, i felt a little better after that. Oh and my juniors who were sort of understanding and a little indignant on my behalf :) haha thanks pp :D

I shan’t think of this anymore after i post this, unless sth else happens, and i really hope not.