Hmm this will be one of the last few posts i post in this blog. It just feels weird blogging now, with the idea that some people who don’t know me will read and judge me based on what i write. I’m not saying people do, but its just weird publicising my thoughts to anyone and everyone who bothers reading. I’m too lazy to lock this blog, so i’m gonna move to another url, ask me if you want to know and know i wouldn’t mind :D or if i’m excited i’ll probably just tell you myself haha!

I should close this blog down, but i like the URL haha! can’t really bear to give it up to someone else :P I think its cool even if you don’t think so (:

Thats all, see you next time or not at all (: This blog’s so boring anw –.-

Reflective (:

I suddenly feel like blogging again. Sort of feel really reflective and just want to write down my thoughts. Maybe I’ll understand myself better after this (;

Lol got back my Math test today, the results are quite horrible but surprisingly (or maybe not), I'm not really upset by it. Maybe its because I'm used to failing maths –.- History essay was not bad though. Funny that though it was over 25 my marks were better then my maths which was over 35 –.- Hahah well, I'm just amused (:

Dance was fine at first. I gave it my all, except that i didn’t really smile cos of a small ulcer, and i really felt happy when I danced and realised that my body listened to me :D Bevan drilled a lot today, and though i was really tired i was really happy too, because i want us to look really synchronised, and its not often we’re drilled like today. It makes me feel as if we’re really working towards our goal/GOLD. And i think its sorta fun to be drilled together, it really gives you a sense of satisfaction when you realised (or think) that you’re all moving together as one. Maybe its just me, but it makes me feel like we’re bonding LOL (:

After a while I started seeing yellow spots though, which was my own signal that i was gonna faint –.- and i did black out during one instant after a while, and fell at the curtain while running. I friction burned(?) my ankle ): so i rested from then on, cos felt quite bad with no strength at all and my brain was numb –.- thanks to those that fanned me, gave me a drink and asked how was i doing, now I'm really fine :D maybe cos it wasn’t so stuffy anymore (:

Hmmm some people say I’m weak, but I'm not offended, cos I think i really am –.- I’m a very unhealthy person who feels faint easily lol. And i have a weak ankle and am generally clumsy and injure myself. I’m not proud of it, but i know its true. I should take some tonics maybe, even Mr. tan said i look like i got ping2 xue3, which i don’t know what's it called in english, maybe flat blood haha (: Oh well I’ll try to be strong anw, SYF is coming, can’t afford to lose time :/

And at least I can say that i tried hard enough, tried my best, to do what i can. I do my part of the dance properly, don’t slack unless i don’t feel well, and i can say all these w/o feeling guilty of lying. I’m not going to pinpoint, but i know some of you won’t be able to say it truthfully. I know I may not make a good dance head, a good leader. I’m not an inspirational speaker, and am not as responsible as i should be, though i try. I know i may have a lot of flaws as a role model for the juniors to look up to, but i do try my best and I'm not ashamed to say that. I’m not saying that you all have to agree with me, i just hope that all of you can say the same as me, that it that you’ve given it your all, without any regrets.

Regret is the worse thing you can feel after a performance, and you’ll just keep on wondering if you had given it your all, whether things might have ended differently.

I know i won’t regret that i didn’t do my best, but I'll probably regret that i, as the dance head wasn’t able to do my part in spurring the juniors on, letting them see the common goal we all have and working as one towards that goal. This is a sad thing, I’ll try to improve, but sometimes words just don’t get into people’s head, and then, I'll just have to take things in my stride, just like Anthea said. Something's just cannot be changed, you just have to accept it i guess. I will try and not give up though (:

Also, to my dancers, I'm sorry for like flaring up at you all sometimes, but i think you all should know your mistakes when you make them. I care about others opinions of me, but I'd rather be seen as a bad person than one who regrets not pointing out others mistakes/flaws when doing so might help the whole group. I can’t help it if you all blame me, but what i want in the end is something not only for me, but for all of us dancers. I may be mean or insensitive sometimes, for that I'm sorry. Also i think that when people seem to be angry, we should all think and reflect about what we might have done to cause the anger, or even if its not directed to you, maybe we can think of ways to help the situation. I myself is not good at that, maybe we can just all work together to improve ourselves, and through it, work towards our goal (at least i hope its yours too)

Well that's all i guess, i do love my CCA and the people in them, because no matter who you are, you make up part of the family (:

Anw I'm just reflective, not upset or feeling negative because I'm actually quite happy (:

:(

Well today was a sorta sucky day that started off well. I realised that one shouldn’t hope. It only causes disappointment and unhappy feelings. It sounds sceptic but its sort of true, I found that out this week. Sometimes its probably best to expect the worse and be happy when good things happen –.-

Yea but it was really unexpected, blame me for thinking to simply. All i was thinking of the good, and looking forward to it, not knowing that it would ruin my day. And i guess a lot of times its just circumstances making fun of us, cos even if i wanted to, there’s nobody to blame. Everyone thinks of things differently, and have different viewpoints. Its not really fair to accuse others from seeing things their way when you yourself do it too, but sometimes i just can’t stop myself. Its a pensive day –.-

I really don’t know why this affected me so much. It just did. And i can’t stop tears from welling up in my eyes every time i think about it. Ha I was watching my tv show, and the tears just kept flowing. I said the show was touching, but I don’t think anyone believed me. But its times like this you see how much some pp mean to you, and how much they care :D Really a big thank you, to all of you, even the you who was the root cause of all this (i’m not saying its your fault), I really love you all <3

Anw the past few days were alright, other then a few unhappy moments. I hope everything will be alright, at least i’ll try my best to make it so. Maybe there really are obstacles people need to overcome in life before they can have a happily ever after. I don’t know why, but I can’t see mine. Yet. But I won’'t stop believing in it.

Vanessa learnt a lesson today.

I don’t feel like doing anything so i’ll just blog haha (:

Dance was alright yesterday, though we got locked out of the room for a while. I want the key to the dance studio lol. And I was putting on my jazz shoes when i realised I got one big one and one small one -.- For a moment I thought my feet shrank drastically lol. In the end we found out that me and maureen brought mixed up pairs of shoes home haha (:

We polished a bit of diamonds and added the last part, and now i have so much more things to do lol. I still dunno how to get up from that split nicely, look so chor lor -.-

Today was okay, but got quite tired of school after LA when we researched for PW ): At least bio didn’t require my brain cells –.- And i had fun planning bout sth during lessons lol. Its gonna be awesome. At least it is in my brain :D And vincent said I was idiotic and made me really angry, that i seperated our tables for the whole morning -.-

Went home with NA, then realised I was locked out of the house T.T sat at the steps for a while, then someone came to accompany me :D we stayed at the playground for round 1 hour, cos he scared the kids away :P And I still can’t believe I believed him lol. It’ll be payback time soon :D

I shall go do my overdue homework now :(( lol.

Haven’t blogged for a while, cos there’s nth much for me to blog actually –.-

I just felt like blogging bout dance (: haha i think its really cool, the way so many of us year 4s are all working so hard together just to strive for that gold. Its like we bond even more now that we all have a common goal :) Thats my thoughts anw. And i just hope the juniors can understand what we’re feeling, feel it too and work hard for this gold. I know a lot of us are doing our best, pespiring and dancing through muscle aches, just to show that EDS dance can do it too. We’re not just a CCA group that’s funny, we’re one who has the substance, the potential to do well. So it really irritates me when i see that some of us don’t treat this as a big thing, or just gives attitude when we’re trying to improve the whole item. This gold doesn’t only benefit us, its YOUR gold too so i don’t get why you aren’t willing to work for it. And none of you are probably gonna read this, but i shall just tell you that if because of your bad attitude, you jeopardise our chances of getting good results, letting all our efforts go down the drain, all of us are gonna come after you. And we won’t be nice :) well, at least i won’t –.-

Anw on a brighter side, though bevan didn’t come on friday, we managed to clean up quite a bit. It might not seem like much, but we did our best, and i do feel that its much neater in some areas. But siyin and xinwei lost their voice cos of it :( i feel quite guilty i didn’t shout more to prevent that :(

Sat’s training was alright, then we had comm meeting :D it was fun and productive, to me anw (: haha i hope you all enjoy this camp, we sure put in a lot of effort for it (:

Oh and haha siyin and me have matching jackets :D

We have dance 2mr, i hope it’ll be good :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

SIYIN! :D

Haha may you have a wonderful birthday, I’m quite sure you had, and your present will be belated lol. I saw it but haven’t got it yet –.-

Anw you’ve been a wonderful friend, its kind of a pity how we were nvr close though we knew each other since P4 –.-:) Haha I didn’t expect our relationships to be the thing which brought us closer together :) You’ve been very understanding and nice to talk to, and your silliness makes the day so much brighter :D

And you’re a wonderful EDS chair, i’m sure no one else could do a better job or put in as much effort as you. So whatever you do we’ll be behind you and together, we’ll bring EDS to greater heights haha :D

Lol i dunno what else to say –.- I was nvr good at birthday wishes –.-

Yay a typical Siyin action :P haha :D

And best of luck for everything in the following year! :D Love you lots haha <3 though someone loves you more i’m sure :)

I’m kinda screwed now. Getting bothered by small things and being angry very easily. Its damn petty but i can’t stop myself. I think I need more rest cos i’m so tired that i’m frequently crankky.

Anw SORRY to all that i got angry at though it wasn’t exactly much to do with you pp. And even if i didn’t realise but was just cranky at you, sorry too. I shall rest more today and be a happy and reasonable girl once again :) at least i hope i was reasonable last time –.-

Thanks to all that put my with my bad attitude. I know you got the worst of it and i’m currently overreacting but it just really bothers me a lot. Sorry.

I shall blog bout happier stuff when i upload my pics :D

And i’m happy now cos there’s no major homework due anytime recently and chem test is over (though i’m sure i failed)

Oh and to another you, i thought you knew but apparently you don’t. I’m not angry bout it anymore, just sorta incredulous to your oblivious ways  –.-

P.S. thank you NA for the curry puff haha! :D